I'll be at my local

down to the KLM on paddy's day afternoon. it is a small pub just up the road from roy and finn's place, small and exclusive, although not because the barman says so. the regulars keep to themselves and to the people they know. they'll ask you questions if you come in, show you some kindness and perhaps even buy you a pint.

'be careful not to confuse apparent act of kindness and acceptance. there's a good chance that what you think is irish hospitality is actually them being nosey.'

this place is their's and every head will turn, and every eye stare, if no one recognizes what comes through the door.

'you'd better either know someone in there, or have some reason for going in or you'll not last long.'

we had made these plans with finn and roy nearly three weeks ago, and terry, another roommate, was to come along too. instead of coming along he was already there. finn showed up hours later when the three of us were heavy into a game of pool. it was a professional table and several thousands of euro's, or so i am told, have traded hands because of it. the bar was small and the table appeared to have been made to fit, not six feet long nor three feet wide, however, much like wonka's perception hallway the table did not look too small. it fit the room and occupied exactly as much of the area as it wanted. and as much as it fit the room, it fit the atmosphere of the crowd too: if it didn't want you to play well it wouldn't.
the barman sat on a stool, reading his paper and served drink when necessary. nothing was rushed, nothing was a bother and no one liked the temporary clover tattoo on my forehead; luckily i had brian with me, and luckily his parents were two of the four regulars there.

'wazat? u a toorist? silly yank'
'actually i'm a cana..'
'shur, shur. youwanapint?'
'ah, yeah sure. thank you'
'great then. Bill! what's in the news today? finefine, two hoinikin, when yer ready. hes payin.'
'thanks'

brother bear

it was a week or two ago. we were all on a patio. it was the day i reached a check point. the clay oven was burning rather quickly through the supply of wood on hand and it soon became apparent that more wood be needed if we wear to bee kept warm.

later i would have a dream about tearing down the shel, scavenging the place for bits of wood the owner, gilivan, wouldn't miss. roy was there, and a regular named a-min-d and a few of the other staff as well. soon the whole floor was ripped up the the bar was floating on the few remaining joist. with that job done i went back to the fire, which meant waking in a room full of smoky clothes.

roy's appartment is having work done, shelves removed and toilets added, and it was producing a great deal of, what turned out to be, unburnable bits of wood that, also, turned out to be too big for the clay fire. matty and i went to investigate the situtation and learned a long time after the facts described above. we had been gone a while and finn et al had some bits of stone to get rid of. they climbed on her brothers roof, just off the patio, and tossed pebbles. finn's brother had a few pebbles too, and tossed them her way. [get off d x'ng ruf] came the txt. the three of us, roy, matty and myself, returned bearing gifts of gold trim, wayne scotting and vanities, which needed to be made smaller.

luckly matty and i are ninja's.

my turn came after matt's and just before the arrival of a big angry brother ^[1]. i propped my bit of wood against the wall and would have split it in two, honest, had i not have been distracted.

before me was a bear wearing people clothes standing in the landing in front of me, guarding the only exit. it was speaking but i couldn't hear it over the sound of me pooping my pants for the second time ^[poop]. the bear, brother o'finn, inquired into the delivery of his text earlier.

Brother O'Finn told us he had to work in the morning, which was now an hour ago, and that he would appreciate if we would keep our noise to a non-existance in a tone that suggested his patience for shenanigans ^[2] had expired sometime around the mid 90's.

matty decided to leave when roy convinced himself that since Brother was up already we might as well continue on the same route to destruction we were on. i agreed because my smell was starting to discust myself.

but i don't mind because it gives me character.

my syst'r heheher

there is a girl at work. her name is Fionnula ... or something, but no one calls her that. so Finn is a girl at work who is a blast to work with, even more so after i learned that the pissed off look she wears on her face is not anger but more of a focusing on how much she doesn't want to be there. as it turns out it's not how i work while at the pub that makes her angry, but simply the fact that she has to be there at all. once we all get laughing the day goes much smoother and people frown less.

we write the orders on dockets ... paper bits that get handed to the chef so that she can make something entirely different and cause the customer to frown at me when i explain to them, to their uncaring eyes, that it wasn't my fault and i'd be happy to pee in a free cup of coffee for them. the never take it. we post these dockets above a toaster which has an interesting habit of biting our four arms when we reach over it. i did this on the first day with my first docket, cursed a little and said to myself, and to anyone listening who turned out to be more than the no one i had assumed, this must be the tattoo that everyone gets. since at the time i figured no one had heard me, i went about the rest of my shift fumbling over new menu items and general way of doing things while all the while smiling to myself at how incredibly clever i was.

two weeks later, while she was explaining to me that it wasn't me she hated at work but work itself, Finn told me that she had heard me curse and be clever but didn't have the time to respond because she was too focused on hating work and making wrong sandwiches. we laughed and laughed and reminisced about that day, today at work, nearly four months later. she showed me her scar from getting burned by the toaster. a scar, can you believe it? i hadn't burnt myself since that first day, but she had burned herself often enough for it to leave a scar.

Steven had been taking the piss* out of Finn all lunch hour because she had mispronounced pajama and was unable to pronounce it correctly again. we all laughed and laughed except Finn who just laughed. then i told a story about achee achee achee are and her summer job and her struggles with snanisnics. everyone laughed a bit and it took the pressure off Finn the same bit. what then took another moment off Finn was when, only moments after getting the laugh from H's story, i reached and posted my docket above the toaster and curse a bit and said to myself, and everyone around, that maybe i would get that scar after all.

Finn laughed the hardest.

interview

first night in cork

barman: you all right?
me: yeah fine. you?
??? ... what can i get you?
oh, a beamish please
where're you from?
canada. here working, traveling, and whatever. hoping to find work in a pub if i can
you've any experience?
sure, about a year's worth at home.
come see me tomorrow.
wow. sure. what's your name?
steve.

second day in cork

bargirl: youl right der?
me: sure, fine. is the manager in?
ya, ina meeting doh. come back at af'four, maybe?
sure. thanks. what's your name?
finn.
thanks. and what's his name again?
steve.
great. thanks.

16:28, second day in cork
steve is running circles

steve: you all right der?
me: fine. you.
fine. fine. you want something? a coffee? tea? coke? you're brad, right?
coffee. thanks. yes.
so you've experience at home, have you? it's different here. very different. y'no wat i mean like. think you can learn?
i'm sure i ...
good. good. c'meer, here, drink up. you'll be called a yank too, no one will know the difference and frankly no one will care. you can handle that?
yea..
good. fine. great. that's frank, he's a regular. that's john to your left, he's a regular. i might have a spot clearing up in a week or so so i'll call you then if something comes up you've a seevee?
yea..
numberonit?
yes
good. good. well, this has probably been the easiest interview you've ever had. isn't it.
yes. i think i can honestly say ..
well yank, thanks for coming in. interview's over and i'll call you in a few days. if i don't, drop in.
thanks. what do i owe for the coffee?
nothing, it's on me. besides i've already drank it on you. see you again in a few days, yank.
sure. thank you.