Sunday, May 25

Crossing Italian Roads 101

1. Forget everything you were taught in preschool, or if you are from small town rural Ontario like myself, grade nine orientation hosted by Mr. Hurley. Ms Joanne may have made some interesting points about looking both ways and holding a grownups hand (not to mention putting it to a rhyme of some sort that i will only remember when Neil comes home from his first week of nursery school reciting it over and over again). Trust me when i tell you that those ingrained rules will only slow you down. Italian drivers appear to take pride in scaring rookie pedestrians; if you look new you're worth more for their scorecard.

2. Find a zebra crossing. If you don't know what a zebra crossing is you can ask Paul McCartney. If you don't know who he is or why he might know try your parents record collection, or your younger brothers collection for that matter, or your lanky red headed ex-roomates wall for the Abbey Road picture. If you still don't know what I am talking about it is likely that you cannot read english and should have that checked out before crossing any road at any point with, or without, a given animal as our guide.

3. remember what it was i was talking about in the first place and get me back on track.

4. standing at the zebra crossing, staring straight ahead, take a step out into the street and keep walking. not faster or slower, but maintain the same semi hurried pace of those around you. Keep your eyes straight ahead as much as you can. This will help keep your eyes on the target destination as well as keep your eyes from drifting upwards while you gawk at the pretty buildings. Looking up means you are a tourist and thus worth more points.

5. Kiss the footpath that you've just made it to. Well done, you're now a licensed Italian and understand a very important part of their culture. A part it took me two months to learn, but only moments to forget.

... but that story's for another day.

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